I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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