ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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