He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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