He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
