Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
