I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
