Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
