craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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