Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
