Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
