Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Did I show you my penis last night?
She bit a glass in half.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
