so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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