I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if you like me you must not know who I am
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
