the condom got lost in my hair
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
