If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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