im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
