He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
