taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
