if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
