I'm so fucking centered right now
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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