I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
