I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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