Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
