Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
