She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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