Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
