Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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