I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
