I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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