Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
