she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
