Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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