i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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