I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
