I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
