I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
