I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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