I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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