oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
