I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
