She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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