just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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