So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
