Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just made out with a guy for $7.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can I color on your dick again?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
