After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
