even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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