I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
