phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
