you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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