I've blown a few things in my day
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
